Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I've Had Better Vacations

The first three days of my hospital visit were spent in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). This is similar to an obscure form of “friendly torture” practiced by the Monty Python version of the Spanish Inquisition. Everyone was very cordial as they proceeded to awaken me every hour on the hour for lab samples. Between the lack of sleep, food and Dilaudid cocktails, by the time I made it upstairs to my own room, I was certifiable. By now, I was feeling bold and negotiated a “clear liquid” diet consisting of broth and Jell-O (yay!). I also began to notice that the clock on the wall had these peculiar red lines running along it’s face like a miniature laser light show. Interesting. To add to the festivities, it appeared that I was being paid a visit by a small hoard of mechanical spiders that were checking in on me to see if I was OK. I didn’t recognize them as colleagues from work, so I assumed they were from some other reality. This actually helped a bit, since my sense of humor kept me from being too disturbed at this latest development. It was the voices on the other side of the wall that occupied my thoughts with more focused attention than anything else. This required some inspection on my part. After crawling out of bed and dragging my IV pole along with me, I made good time to the entertainment center that housed the TV. My reckoning was that the trip took less than a month. When I arrived, I noticed that I had been deceived. There was no door leading to the promised party on the other side of the wall (and here I had my heart set on some form of debauchery to while away the hours). Oh well, back to bed. This took the better part of several weeks to navigate since the IV tubes had taken on a life of their own and refused to cooperate. Fortunately, none of this was noticed by the hospital staff, thus I avoided any embarrassing restraints to keep me from my periodic sojourns. I still don’t understand how I managed all this and still didn’t miss my once-every-four-hours Dilaudid fix. I attribute this to my refusal to adhere to linear time. Things were looking up.
Next – a visitor! (human, this time).


At 1:14 PM, Blogger BeckoningChasm said...

It's been two years or so since I've been in the hospital, and I honestly haven't missed it.

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Henry Brennan said...

I'm going to try to avoid it in the future, myself. It does make for some fun writing, however. It's sort of my version of "Fear and Loathing in Collierville".


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